break up with boyfriend: sucky and really lonely.

all of my friends: more supportive than I could ever want.

my recovery: slow.  really, really fucking slow.

my mom: the best. period.

day three of break up: I only cried five times today.  it’s a good start.

work: I hate work.  It gives me time to think so I started bringing books on tape.  they help me not think and pass the time.

heart: broken.  

doing the right thing: absolutely yes.  however this doesn’t make the hurt any less painful.

being okay: it will happen.  just not now. not for a while.  it will happen.

life: not okay.  

two weeks: the time it will take me to not burst into tears spontaneously throughout the day.

some time in august: when I believe I can talk to Paul again for the first time.

September 25th, 2010 4:30am: wake up and begin the 30 hour journey to Dakar, Senegal, Africa. 

the big scheme: I have friends that love me. I have family that love me. I can eat. I have a home.  I can walk. I’m alive.

I am not okay now but I will be okay.  Everything will be fine.  Paul and I can be friends in the future.  I will be in Africa.  I will be a stronger woman because of all of this.

p.s. it smells like fried chicken outside my apartment?